About a decade ago I found myself increasingly apathetic and indifferent to the place of God in my life. A painful experience of church imploding and an emotionally-draining occupation as a social worker, alongside living with the ongoing challenges of depression and anxiety, had left me engulfed by what felt like a heavy darkness. I felt like a hiker lost and disorientated in mist-covered hills, unable to find a bearing which would lead to a way out. Many of the securities that I had previously relied upon were no longer present. What little faith I had in God seemed to be slowly evaporating; I was angry, frustrated and blamed God for my life circumstances. Prayer, which I had previously valued, now just felt difficult, cumbersome and irrelevant. I was experiencing symptoms of what the early Desert Fathers called acedia, although I didn't know it at the time.

A wise friend suggested Spiritual Direction. Rather than wallow in this state of spiritual malaise, he suggested that I should persevere and continue to pursue God, remain faithful to prayer, reading of scripture and seek out someone to spiritually guide me. He shared how he had found the practice of regular spiritual direction essential in sustaining his vocation as a priest in a busy and demanding urban parish. Although I had heard about Spiritual Direction before, I had eyed it with some suspicion and cynicism. The thing I felt I least wanted at this stage in my life was some 'wannabe Guru' telling me how I should live. However, I trusted this friend, so I took the plunge, made an appointment and turned up. What quickly became apparent was that the real Spiritual Director was God. The kind person who accompanied me as I unpacked my experiences helped me to see how God was still touching my heart directly, through the diverse and difficult encounters of my life. She didn't "direct" in the sense of giving advice or solving my problems - rather she helped me see where God was present in my circumstances and was continuing to invite me into a deeper relationship. Although I had sensed my spiritual fire was diminishing, I discovered there was still a 'divine spark' within me, which I desired to be fanned into flame.

As the years have rolled on, thankfully the intensity of the mist and darkness that I found myself in has diminished. Yet, I have continued to find regular spiritual direction to be an essential spiritual discipline in helping me to continue to hear the message God is trying to communicate to me through both my prayer and life experiences.

 

As I went about my daily business both in my private life and public life as a social worker, I was increasingly finding that people sought to share with me at a deeper and more soulful level. It was at this spiritual level that I began to see true and longer-lasting transformation occurring in people's lives. To help me do this responsibly, I decided to complete a Diploma in Spiritual Direction through Manresa in Dublin. This training and ongoing experience in spiritually accompanying people has helped me to be able to listen, notice and watch for God’s movement in people’s lives, to help people to pay attention to God’s personal communication with them and help them to respond, follow God's lead and live this out in their unique circumstances.

 

I am part of a growing network of enthusiastic people in Ireland, from a range of denominations, who have been trained and are supervised to accompany people on their spiritual journey and are passionate about making this ministry more accessible to the wider church.